Day 7 of 30

Wrapping it up on a Wednesday evening ...

Day 7 ...
Its Wednesday!!
That means Clearance Valentines Day stuff!!!  :)  boom. You know I hit that!
Today has been ... well, positive!

I got some stuff done around the house. not what was planned, but some nonetheless. I followed up on some employment opportunities -- good news!!! 

Talked to a handsome man that I love.

I have reached a plateau in weight loss and so that sucks.  but ... ive been doing this long enough to notice the "non scale victories"
* My pants are loose
* These underwear are loose!
* One of my sports bra fits me again
* I feel comfortable in this tank top!!
I have noticed a lot of those things ... even though my scale number hasn't decreased!  I am not giving up and I will remain optimistic!!!  :) 
I made beef kielbasa with cabbage and shrimp for dinner. It was delish and packed with the macro-hitting yummies!!!
Slacked on my water ... only 60 ounces in so far but I have drank a few other things (herbalife products + water)  


Day 6 ...
First of all lets just say ... this was the epic challenge of challenges!!
1: its Tuesday.
2. its Taco Tuesday.
3. its Valentines Day.
4. I can't have carbs.

That is all that is important!! lol. 
 I ate a lot. Hit my macros. Ate some gelato!  (Cos it had some protein and fat and very low carbs!!!  what what!!!)
People were all over social media talking about their loves and anti-valentines ... etc ... And I was really like, um ... workout and eat? Yeah that's my plans!

I did my video workout ... I was so sore prior, and then even more so after.  BUTTTTTT... I did more of each set than the previous day (AWESOME).  And I finished better than the previous day :)  Good Good Good.

My son has made so much neurological progress since we relocated -- This was just one more of those moments. His teacher needed help getting set up for his party & my kiddo actually was okay with me being there!!!  (He has always had so much anxiety and emotions I haven't been able to before!)  So, I got to help set up and stay at the party and he showed me some attention. He was A ROCKSTAR!!!
It was a great day. I am so thankful that this relocation has been everything I had hoped!!!!  Now, to land a good income-generating situation :)

Day 5 of 30 - kill me now.

Well ... hello yall! 
Today is Monday. It is Day 5 of my 30 day fitness and nutrition challenge. And yesterday, I just wanted to...

 

 But I did not!!  I did slack pretty much yesterday though. I did not reach 120 ounces of water. I did not lose a pound. I did not get in all of my macros and I went over my calories - EEKS! I did not have a cheat day though!
I did enjoy my day. I did get groceries for the next few days. I got my coupons. I got some walking in. I did accomplish a few things :)

Day 4  Schedule --
I started the day with my Herbalife Tea + Protein Beverage Mix + Collagen Beauty Booster and a cheesecake fat bomb!
Lunch -- I had 2 eggs with onion, green bells, turkey, cream cheese and Colby cheese.
dinner -- Herbalife protein beverage mix with Shrimp and Asparagus! Of course butter was in each of these with garlic and some Cajun seasoning :)  DELISH!!!  This packed in a ton of healthy protein and nutrients!
For evening snack -- Greek Yogurt with Herbalife Apple Fiber and frozen blueberries.
** My macros -- 110g protein -- 77 fat (should have been more!) -- Net Carbs around 20g (should have been lower)  -- 1300 calories (should have been lower)

I did some personal development and reading this morning -- watched some TV while I decorated and organized -- listened to some Pandora radio -- finally got Hedwig to stand up -- and it snowed!  That was great.  Since on Day 2 and 3 it was closer to 70 degrees!

Today is Day 5 of 30.

aka its Monday.

I woke up and actually got up! YAY ME! 
I got the kiddo off to the bus and I started my workout!  I am starting a 30 day fitness video that does strength, cardio, and abs!  And believe me -- it kicked my ass today!  I was shaking. Which is great, don't get me wrong, but whoa!!  
(Woke up at 7 got my morning drink prepped. J left at 745. Drank my morning Herbalife drink. Started my workout before 8. Done before 8:40. Shower before 9. Breakfast after!)

I already have almost 60 ounces of water in, which is a great improvement from yesterday!

Breakfast was on point --  2 eggs with onion, green bells, mushrooms, Colby cheese, turkey, and avo. I could barely finish it. It took me an extended amount of time It was so filling.  Macros: 20g protein. 27g fat. (good ratio for those two!) 13carbs (net is less than 2g - yay!) 373 calories.
 Plus . my workout burned over 500 cals. So wahoo. ON POINT TODAY!
Weigh in -- sadness -- 142#

So .. for the remainder of today I need to keep that ratio -- more fat than protein, but still within reason and super low carbs. Maybe another workout too :)
I need
* 80+g protein (I can get 3 meals @ 20g/each plus my protein drink mix 15g = 75g protein)
* 80+g fat -- about the same .. plus a couple fat bombs. that will boost me 5g/ea fat apprx.
* 15g NET carbs  -- This is a toughy. I have been going over. Not by much but a little bit!

With luck ... I will hit all of my macros today and lose another pound for my morning weigh in :)

* Update!  I just finished dinner. I have out done myself :)  Grilled Herb and Garlic chicken breast with asparagus!  I had like 5 fat bombs today. YUUUM!  My current macros ... I am sitting at  fat 71g / protein 52g / carbs 30g (net 11.2g which is 1% of my daily intake. boom!)
I still need another meal :(  I may drink some Herbalife to boost that up!!  Just one more awesome benefit if the H-Life!  When you need some extra stuff..we got ya fixed!  :) 


Check out my IG for pictures of my meals and other randoms :)

my 30 day challenge!

Today is Day 3 of my 30 Day Challenge!!!
In this post, I will share a few things ...
*Recap of the last week
*Day 1-3 of this challenge
*my goals
*my schedule.

So, Here we go!  :)

So, Today is Feb 11.  I haven't posted the past week because I have been preoccupied with being depressed. Life got to me ... I realized that I want more and I wasn't doing anything about it (per the usual).  I have this terrible habit of becoming complacent. When I "stop" it takes an enormous effort to "go" again. No matter what the reason.  A few years ago, I started the fitness journey for health reasons. I have an autoimmune disease that is tremendously impacted by what goes in my mouth. I didn't know that initially. Long story short -- nutrition saved me then. And as big as that is, it hasn't motivated me enough to get started again. I have it all in my brain .. but the physical act of doing it -- just not happening.
That happens to everyone, right?  Pretty much.

So, I finally had enough!
  We went back home last weekend to visit family and friends. It was a great trip. I did not get everything done I needed to. But I got some. I wanted to help my mom but I didn't do enough. I had plans to visit a few friends .. I visited some, not all. I stayed up late. I laughed. I did things I hadn't done in ages.
While we were there, I reconnected with a friend. Ya know the one from  6 to 10 inches? Well, we finally had our moment. We spent a lot of time together. We talked and laughed. We got awkward. He and I are both so similar in many ways. Neither of us are good at talking, but he is better. We are both afraid, but he is brave. We both wanted to give it a shot, so we did.  I will spare you the details for now (no, that did not happen! haha) but the result was good.

He is planning on coming to visit in a few weeks. I don't want to be fat any more. So, the motivation for this jump start is, you guessed it, a guy!

We came home Tuesday night. Wednesday I started my 30 day challenge. I didn't start the full meal plan because I hadn't got my groceries!  But It was my mental prep day!  Lets face it, we all need that time!

 

        Beginning a New Plan 

So, I decided on the plan: 30 Day Nutrition and Fitness jump start. This is different for everyone. Your specific goals will always make your plan different from someone else, so don't compare your plan to theirs. THIS WILL SET YOU UP TO FAIL!!  Keep focused on YOUR goals and YOUR plan!  :)   Certainly, use each other for accountability and support. But remember that your journeys are different! 
Take a "before picture" of all angles:  both sides, front, and back.  Get your stomach and your booty!  Don't suck in. Wear the least amount of clothes you can (I usually do bra and shorts or undies).
You'll regret it if you don't!

Set Attainable Goals.     Be Realistic!

So, as I just said. Your plan is different from other people. Your goals may be roughly the same, but the road to get there? Could be vastly different. What is important is to make sure that your goals are attainable for YOU!  And for this time period.
Examples.. 4 years ago I could whip it out!!  Whatever workout was thrown at me (within reason), I could do it!  I did double workouts nearly every day. I did insanity after I did cardio. I was training for a bikini competition. I was eating right and my schedule was strict.
But can I do that today?  Heck. NO!  Can I do it again?  Yeah!  But if that was my goal for this plan, I know that I would not be successful. We have to look at our current situation - every aspect. Really evaluate our day and set goals that we can actually accomplish. Otherwise, what is the point?

These are things that we have to remember.  And that is also what makes my job as a Health and Wellness Coach valuable.


Start Small.

I could not run 6 miles tomorrow if my life depended on it.  Well, maybe if it was that drastic. But I am highly doubtful.
I could however get a good sweat on for about 30 minutes in the gym!  That is a small, attainable, REALISTIC goal! 
These little things will add up. They will accumulate. They will build your stamina. These small steps will show you results. You will see the difference with those pictures you took!  :) 
I also use an app to track everything!  My Fitness Pal is my favorite. Its a free app and it is awesome. I can input my water, my activity and everything that goes in my mouth. I can input my favorite recipes, the meals I eat regularly, it tracks it all really well.
This is an important thing to do though - tracking everything helps you keep accountable and also when things are not going the way we want, we have a reference point to see whats going wrong!

Develop your plan and set your schedule!

So many of us take to social media for our ideas. Which is a great place to start!  But you must keep in mind, these are blanket plans not meant for everyone. You can tweak it to your personal situation and goals but you have to know that going in!

For my 30 Day Challenge this time ... I am using the Keto Diet!
 Why Keto?
Well, frankly a friend recommend I do it (which is common, right!).  I have a lot of experience with diets and fitness. For the past 5 years I have devoted my life to life coaching others!  When most people here the word "diet" we seem to have that stigma attached to it of "short term" or "limiting" but that is not true!  Our diet is literally what we eat. So we all have a diet. Some of us have a healthier diet than others!  I spent 5 years tweaking my diet to suit my needs at different times. I have grown accustomed to a low-fat, moderate-carb, high-protein diet.  So beginning this Keto diet was a tad rough for me! Lets face it, its been brutal! As a rule, I avoid fatty foods. But for this -- I HAVE to eat fatty foods! So far, I have been under by fat macros daily. "Macros" or macronutrients, is one way to track your nutrients. It tracks the types of foods required in large amounts in the human diet (i.e. Fats, Proteins, and Carbs). Which are the 3 vital things for the Keto diet! And every body is different so the ratio for me may not suit you!  My ratio started at one and I have tweaked it to fit my body!

What is keto? 
Short for Ketogenic! Its a process that makes your body into a fat burning machine!! And if I am wanting to lose fat, this is a good thing to try - right?  Makes sense in my head. Logical right? This is why this "friend" of mine recommended this to me. I use quotations because this is a typical cycle of mine and I truly hope for others too!  When a friend encourages me and pushes me and tells me to do things that make me uncomfortable I begin this love-hate relationship with that "friend."  Which is where I am. I do not hate her by any means! Nor have I ever hated any of my trainers. However during those moments of misery and you cant swallow one more piece of dry, plain chicken you do hate the person that recommended this.  That feeling changes like the weather because at 8pm when your fat macros aren't where they need to be so you get to eat a cheesecake fat bomb, you love her!
Drawback -- My fitness pal app does not calculate Keto diets correctly so you just have to remember that when you look at your macros! Keto counts your NET CARBS so you have to track those differently. Not hard, just an extra step. No big deal!   (My fitness pal = MFP)

I use the traditional keto diet plan and I add in to it the intermittent fasting schedule!  So, mornings I will fast for an hour and evenings after 6pm fasting (when possible). I have an eating window and a workout window.

My Schedule
Lets take a minute to be real. How many people actually have the EXACT same schedule every day? Not too many of us, right?  So with that knowledge bomb, lets move forward!  Our "Healthy Schedule" needs to have some flexibility! If we go into this with the mentality of "oh shit I cant mess up or I fail" well then, we will fail. So knowing that we HAVE to be flexible is vital for our success. I had my days planned out hour for hour, every meal and snack, and everything in between! (this is very typical for me, due to my sons special needs and required structure I just always schedule things out.)
Day 1 -- This is Thursday!
I went in to this day under the impression that I was going to wake up at 6am and work out. Well that did NOT happen!  But -- I did have my meals outlined, roughly.
Herbalife tea for breakfast tooo!
Breakfast. -- 2 Eggs with ham and cheese.
Lunch. -- Either a shake or a breakfast repeat. (ended up being eggs!)
** I went shopping during this time period. Bought a scale (because I left mine in Oklahoma) and well, this is absolutely vital. I had my meal plan already written out and created my grocery list according to it. I compared prices at the local stores and went with price matching at Walmart!  WIN!  I got bell peppers, avocados, chicken breast, onions, mushrooms, cucumbers, cream cheese, Colby jack cheese, heavy cream, greek yogurt and frozen blueberries.
Snacks. -- something with protein.
Dinner. -- chicken or eggs...  (this ended up being eggs with veggies and avocado!)
My big Herbalife Jet Jug (60 ounce bottle) filled with water, drink 1 by noon and the other by bed time.
I wanted to work out --- but uh. That didn't happen!  oh wellsies!
Results -- I got in each meal. I got in my water. I avoided sugars and ice cream and soda! I did not get enough protein, my fats were pretty good for the first day hahah!    All in all -- I felt good! I made progress. I didn't hit everything, however I did great!!  I could have got upset about the failures, however I was like "Whoa! A new diet, a totally new way to eat! I did a really good job!" And I was happy. I was ready for day 2 because I knew I would do even better!!  Here is the hard part -- my weight. 145#. This is important though because you need to track your progress. I needed to measure my inches... but I have no idea where my tape measure is. so.... I put on a pair of clothes that are semi-tight and that will be my way to roughly track my inches! 
Knowledge bomb:  Its not all about the number on the scale! We lose inches, we lose fat, we gain muscle. These all look different and occur at different rates for each person. So, if you can, measure your inches and track them too!!


Day 2 -- Friday!
Roughly same schedule.
First thing in the morning - Pee. Because well, you just drank 120+ ounces of water yesterday and your body has to eliminate the waste (which is how we flush out that fat!)
Weigh yourself (BEFORE ANYTHING GOES IN!)  -- Today I have a small victory! I weigh 143# SAWEET!
My meals were ...
Breakfast:  2 eggs with bell peppers, mushroooms, cheese, & avocado!
Lunch: chicken with sriracha (I used a kitchen scale to weigh the chicken so I could input the proper amount of protein!)
Dinner: chicken with avocado.
Evening snack: Cheesecake fat bombs (I pulled a recipe here and input it to MFP. the hard part was figuring out how to calculate serving sizes... still working that part out! I assume that a teaspoon {small ice cream scoop} is a good size. so I am not exact on these measurements but I still have a rough guideline that works! No problem!)
Water intake: I drank more than 120 ounces. Which, fyi, makes you pee an insane amount!!
Cool take away from this day -- I wasn't even hungry for dinner. I made myself eat because I needed it. I wasn't even hungry for the fat bombs. Again made myself eat them. So that is awesome.   A week ago -- well, really since the beginning of Jan -- I was not eating much and I wasn't eating healthy. I have ate more the last 3 days than I have in ages and I feel so much better. I have energy. I am doing stuff. I am losing weight.  This is show you, we don't always need to eat less. This is consistent too, the last several years I eat a ton and lose weight! I know this. but for some reason, when depression hits you don't care about that stuff.  small victories on the scale rock!!! 

Day 3 -- This is Saturday!
Same rough schedule but its Saturday, So I expected some physical activity. We usually go hike on Saturdays. but .. he wants to play with his friends instead so I am home doing chores and housework!
I woke up -- weighed in at 142!!! So, that is 3 pounds down in 3 days!!!  And until this point I have not hit the gym. I would say, I have been semi active but mostly sedentary. I jogged one night, walked a couple times and went on a short bike ride. Nothing strenuous by any means. But the weight is coming off!!!!  This IS HUGE!!!
Breakfast:  Herbalife shake.  The drawback with these with the keto diet -- carbs. The net carbs is still more than ideal, so I have to make sure that the rest of my daily meals are more protein and fats!  Which is not too difficult just more annoying at this point.
Lunch: Grilled chicken with green bells, mushrooms, mozz cheese, broccoli.  It was hard to finish this. I wasn't hungry at all!  But I did ... and I drank tons of water. And I sit here ... typing this ...
I have done some weight lifting today too. I have the TV on as I am piddling. I am lifting weights while I do this also ... Arms. Shoulders. Tris.  This is a trouble spot and easy to do on the couch!
The rest of my plan for the day is a continuation of the last couple ... And the following days will have their own post :)

I have a plan.
I have a detailed plan for my days. I have it on my fridge. I have it in my room. I have it in my head.  And now that I have gotten past the first couple of days, I have lost the first few pounds, the motivation is here!!! 

Good news :) 
I cant wait for tomorrow!!!

For more info -- message me directly!!!
For info on Herbalife -- check out my page Herbalife Rocks!
To stalk my pinterest -- click on My Pinterest! -- lots of fitness and nutrition stuff and some other fun personal stuff :)
To see some Keto ideas -- check out Keto Plan or Low Carb Keto! 
Track your daily stuff on My Fitness Pal download the app on your smart phone!

things you dont know about me (or maybe you did...)

* I struggle with self motivation.

*When I love, I give it everything I have.

*I struggle with goal completion.

* I love cheese.

* I have a scar on my side that makes me smile every time I see it because it reminds me of that one time I felt like a normal kid.

* I get obsessed with tv personalities and feel like apart of me dies when they do.. or when they get cancelled.

* I spend too much time on technology. I want to unplug and get away ... but im afraid of whats out there...

* I want one of those families ... like, to share my life with someone. But I honestly don't think that will ever happen.

* I loved watching the Clarita Valley Diet -- way too much!

* I love gardening.

* I love words. All words. The good ones. The real ones. The funny ones. I love quotes. They are the windows into our souls ... they let us in ...

* I am loving my Keto diet

6 to 10 inches

Watching movies and television shows always induces thoughts. 

They meet by chance years ago when they are both young. Hes a musician following his heart. Shes in corporate America lost in her own thoughts. 

To him ... the first date was that night at the local college campus. They went for a drive. Listened to some of his original music and then some of his inspiration. He opened his heart to this girl. He showed her some of the most intimate parts of him and they never had physical contact.  Thats what passion does. When you share that with someone you become vulnerable. Thats what he did. He had no reservations. No fear. Just faith and optimism.
They finished their date. He took her home and said goodbye. He did not kiss her. He respected her. He was a gentleman. 

To her ... this wasnt a date. They are going to hang out and grab some food. She heard this crazy music for the first time. The loudness. The deep bass. The windows bowing in sync with the beat. It wasnt rap. What was this? And then the beat dropped ... She fell in love with the music. She didnt know it at the time, but she fell in love with him. 

She ended up driving hours to another state with a girlfriend to go see this boy and his friends on a business trip. The girls decided last minute. Had to get babysitters for the weekend for their kids. Off they went. That trip was too short but the memories will last her a lifetime. One of the absolute best memories this girl will have.  

Its not common to hear stories about a girl and a boy sharing a hotel room alone without physical contact. They were one of those stories. She did not know this was the last time they would have this opportunity. 

         Fast forward a few years.  Fast forward through some silly heart breaks. Some bad choices. Some consequences. He ended up moving away. She ended up driving very often to see him. There were some tears. Some smiles. He wrote her letters. He wrote her letters on paper. Who does that? A gentleman. Thats who. He was consistent. Always consistent. He went away for a while and she thought he was gone forever. She thought maybe he had died. Why else would someone just fall off the planet? Why else would someone go radio silent for so long? Then the tears came ... how did he die and she didnt know?
He came back. 

They picked right back up as if no time had passed. The laughing. The chemistry. The passion. He was still so kind. He was still caring. He still loved her. She still didnt know it, but she loved him back. 

One day he told her "I have had a feeling that it would work out one day. I always held out hope. I knew it would happen eventually. I figured you would see eventually."  THAT was something that she always needed to hear. See, her whole life every one always left her. No one held out. No one came back. People always leave. He even left her.  But he came back ... he never gave up on her. He never stopped trying. This man is who she needs. This is the man. 

He later said "I just need 6 to 10 inches"  and like a moth to flame, she was done and they haven't even kissed.

Their love story isnt over...

5 Months and heartache.

For the last several years, I have experienced a lot of obstacles. Yesterday was no different. 

When you are calling around to establish new services, you get a lot of no's. I have had zero luck this month. I hear "sorry" more than not. Actually, I have only heard "sorry, we aren't taking new patients" from every office I have called except for one.

What comes to mind when you hear "walk-in" ?  
When I call for an appointment and am told "You have to walk in for your intake. We dont do appointments." That is what I think. I think that I have to walk in to your office during the hours you told me and proceed with the intake. 

I do not expect to pick up my neurologically challenged son early from school to come to a walk-in only office to be told "sorry we dont have any appointments today."  He slumped down on the floor.

I almost broke down in tears right there. My son was on the floor. 

But then they added to the fire. "We don't have any openings for the psychiatrist for 5 months." 

 I wanted to collapse. My son was still on the floor. 

When medications are controlled, you only get a script once a month. When your brain is wired so differently that this medication is the biggest reason you arent in the hospital, you take your medication. When the doctors office tells you it will 5 months before you can even get seen - what are you supposed to do with that? 
What? No medication for 5 months? 
I bet the homeless clinic would get their patients in today.
Will he end up going to the hospital again? 
Will his anger become so out of control again? 
Will the psychosis come back? 
Will he end up going to the hospital again? 
Will the light in his eyes disappear again? 
All I can see ... is another emergency .. and they just see me as another mom with a situation. They dont see the emergency. 
The hospital, again? 

Is that how our providers are? When prevention is not a priority, when emergency care is put first. This is absurd! I have been in the field. I know what its like. But that is in a red state. Where mental health needs are the last thing on everyones agenda. 

When we care more about the problems created rather than the prevention, we have failed. 
When we are bothered about the presence of those problems but we dont want to provide any methods of prevention, we have failed. 

                                              
Five months.

Can I collapse yet? My heart is broken because of the system. My heart is broken because of the struggles we have to endure. My heart is broke because THIS SUCKS.

I am my sons advocate. I cant collapse. 
I am my sons advocate. I cant stop. I cant give up. 

Take the side roads!

Something that happened to me today: 

After I picked up my son from school, he and I were driving to a local diner to grab a burger. Before we ate, he wanted to go to a nature center in our neighborhood. I love his heart. He can have such a rough day and be so angry, you can see it in his eyes. But when he gets in his element, you can see that in his eyes. The happiness. The passion. The blissful innocence. Nothing else matters than that moment. 
When did we lose that? As adults, when did we get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that we stopped enjoying those moments? we no longer went that extra mile because the view was better. 
I am so thankful for my son for many reasons. 
But mostly, he changed my life. 
I was a type-A personality until very recently. 

I was very detail orientated and had to control every aspect of the day. Otherwise, I would have a panic attack. I would be so pissed if something did not go as planned. I had my day scheduled. I had my appointments planned. I have our activities planned. I was very productive. I was very stressed. I was unpleasant to be around sometimes and frankly I was not happy. I thought I was most of the time. I knew the increased level of stress that this put on my heart and my life. I felt the emotional toll every day. But it didn't matter.

When my son began exhibiting signs of his neurological differences, I had no idea. I was a young first-time mom to a boy. So my mom couldnt even help (she didnt raise a boy). After a few years of evaluations, suspensions, doctors, loss of employment ... I took a look at myself and realized that I had to change. I never thought it was possible, but I changed. It was as if one day the light switched and I was different. My son has a list of alphabet soup that follows him around: TBI, SPD, ASD, Adhd... but all I see is an incredible brain that takes the side roads. Which is much like our life. We prefer to take the side roads and avoid the freeways! 
I knew that because his brain was different, there was absolutely no way HE would learn to conform to my personality. I had to change to fit his needs. It was easy for me. I knew I was changing for my son. To help him be more successful. 
Looking back, I wish that more people in our world would have done that. I wish that more people would have atleast changed a couple things about their life. The closest people to us are just as selfish as ever, if not more so. It is heartbreaking when you think about it. On the other hand I am thankful they stay true. Its easy when we know that a person is a certain way. We can plan around it. And often times we just avoid them altogether! 

During the time period when I was changing, some of my "friends" thought it was funny to joke about how flighty I appeared. How much I changed and was not reliable. How I move a lot and cant just be normal. At the time, I didn't think much of it. But after a few years, it really started to get to me. These are people that I had valued. They were friends of mine. 

How could they not see the WHY behind my choices? 

And that time period is where the pattern of loss continued. I lost jobs. I lost friends. I lost love. I lost faith in others. Granted, I did make these choices. I am responsible. I have no regrets in my choices. I made these choices in support of my son. I made these choices because I am a mom. The last 9 years of my life has been a lot of loss. There has been a lot of depression and anxiety. There has been a lot of growing and learning. Maybe from an outsiders view I appear flighty and unreliable. From the insiders view, I make the choice to avoid certain situations. I make moves to better our situation or atleast in attempt to prevent it from becoming worse. 

Can someone really change their Personality?  Not completely. 
I am a lot more laid back and relaxed than I was. The last two years of my life have been so strange for me. I went on vacations with NO PLAN! I went on road trips with no bags packed. I drove hours and miles with no schedule. I just went. I LIVED. I had adventures. My son got to enjoy little things because we could. There was no rush to be there by 6. We just did whatever we wanted. 
I still am structured and organized and live by a schedule, but I have redirected those traits to help my son. Because his brain needs that structure. He loves fun. He loves last minute road trips to the river. But by golly, if his schedule gets messed up we all pay for it! He has taught me so much in his 9 years. 

My son has taught me patience: I am told often that I have more patience than most people. The special needs families have an abundance of patience. The "neurotypical"  (NT) families do not. Its not something worthy of praise. Its something that is just done. You dont choose to be patient for your kids or not. You do it because its what is needed. 

My son has taught me to be easy going. He taught me to go with the flow. I dont know how to explain this .. it will have its own blog post! But I shall try. Parents of NT kids traditionally dont change their personalities. They teach their kids their way. Whereas parents of non-NT kids do not always have that luxury. My sons brain works in a way that there is not a lot of successful traditional methods. HE has to have the schedule and the structure and the organization. If I were still so Type-A, this would not work well for us! I have to be able to change in a moments notice. I have to be flexible because my son is not.

My son has taught me to stop and enjoy the little things. Quite literally too. We joke and call it his Adhd. For the past 7 years, he has been rather consistent! We will be going about our business and he jump off of whatever he is on (bike, scooter, shoulders) to smell a flower, watch a rolly polly crawl, save a spider, catch a snake. He will stop going fast to lay on the concrete to watch life up close. 

Which leads me back to ... what happened today.

He wanted to go to the nature center and watch nature. He wanted to be slow and focus on the little things. The struggles of the day. The stress of school. The amount of excessive sensory input that his brain and body received over the day. He did not have a meltdown today.
He was so excited when we pulled into the parking lot. 
He ran to the door. Went straight in to the dinosaurs. Usually he would have ran up the stairs. To hurry and get to the top. But imagine a bride walking down the aisle. That slow march that seems to take forever. 
That was my son. 
Holy Moly. 
But his face while we climbed the stairs.. every step was deliberate. 
He was so happy. He was relaxed. He was calm. He was innocent. 

We can walk negative snail speed any day! 
These are the days we live for ... 

... and then we had burgers!