5 Months and heartache.

For the last several years, I have experienced a lot of obstacles. Yesterday was no different. 

When you are calling around to establish new services, you get a lot of no's. I have had zero luck this month. I hear "sorry" more than not. Actually, I have only heard "sorry, we aren't taking new patients" from every office I have called except for one.

What comes to mind when you hear "walk-in" ?  
When I call for an appointment and am told "You have to walk in for your intake. We dont do appointments." That is what I think. I think that I have to walk in to your office during the hours you told me and proceed with the intake. 

I do not expect to pick up my neurologically challenged son early from school to come to a walk-in only office to be told "sorry we dont have any appointments today."  He slumped down on the floor.

I almost broke down in tears right there. My son was on the floor. 

But then they added to the fire. "We don't have any openings for the psychiatrist for 5 months." 

 I wanted to collapse. My son was still on the floor. 

When medications are controlled, you only get a script once a month. When your brain is wired so differently that this medication is the biggest reason you arent in the hospital, you take your medication. When the doctors office tells you it will 5 months before you can even get seen - what are you supposed to do with that? 
What? No medication for 5 months? 
I bet the homeless clinic would get their patients in today.
Will he end up going to the hospital again? 
Will his anger become so out of control again? 
Will the psychosis come back? 
Will he end up going to the hospital again? 
Will the light in his eyes disappear again? 
All I can see ... is another emergency .. and they just see me as another mom with a situation. They dont see the emergency. 
The hospital, again? 

Is that how our providers are? When prevention is not a priority, when emergency care is put first. This is absurd! I have been in the field. I know what its like. But that is in a red state. Where mental health needs are the last thing on everyones agenda. 

When we care more about the problems created rather than the prevention, we have failed. 
When we are bothered about the presence of those problems but we dont want to provide any methods of prevention, we have failed. 

                                              
Five months.

Can I collapse yet? My heart is broken because of the system. My heart is broken because of the struggles we have to endure. My heart is broke because THIS SUCKS.

I am my sons advocate. I cant collapse. 
I am my sons advocate. I cant stop. I cant give up.